NBA All-Star SNUBS

Eastern Conference All-Stars:
* = Starter (voted on by fans)

* Allen Iverson
* Dwyane Wade
* LeBron James
* Kevin Garnett
* Dwight Howard
Danny Granger
Chris Bosh
Devin Harris
Rashard Lewis
Jameer Nelson
Joe Johnson
Paul Pierce

What really gets me going with this line up is that the fans voted Allen Iverson to start purely on his name, he has no right to even be an all-star. My real problem here is that Rajon Rondo was snubbed a point guard spot. Rondo averages 2 more rebounds a game, 3 more assists per game, and a a steal more a game than AI. Granted Iverson is averaging 17 ppg where Rondo is only 11 ppg, but come on he plays with three prolific scorers. Rondo does all this while playing 6 minutes less a game and most of the time when they play shitty teams he could pad his stats but instead he is forced to watch Eddie Mansion sling 3s. Rondo is on the better team and when he goes so do the Celtics, I would be ashamed if I were someone who voted for AI, Rajon Rondo should start and Jameer Nelson back him up.

My other argument is for Ray Allen, how come Orlando gets three players and Boston only two. Ray has been playing the best basketball the first half for the Celtics. I would substitute Allen for Rashard Lewis because let's face it, Ray is a better defender and shooter and more recognizable, people rather watch Jesus Shuttlesworth than Rashard Lewis.

Western Conference All-Stars:

* Chris Paul
* Kobe Bryant
* Amare Stoudemire
* Tim Duncan
* Yao Ming
Shaquille O'Neal
Tony Parker
Dirk Nowitzki
Pau Gasol
Brandon Roy
Chauncey Billups
David West


I also have two major problems with this line up and it can be solved easily. Remove Pau Gasol, first for looking like a homeless Spanish crack head. Really can he shave and get a haircut, he lives in LA you're suppose to look good there. Second he plays good every other game, anyone who is 7 feet tall SHOULD average a double double and Pau does not. My replacement would be Al Jefferson, who DOES average and scores almost 6 more ppg. The hottest team in January is the Minnesota T-Wolves and their leader Big Al should be rewarded.

I also would vote for Kevin Durant over Dirk Nowitzki. My first argument is that Dirk doesn't play ANY defense but yet Durant's D isn't that much better but at least he tries. Their numbers are almost identical my main problem is that I like Durant and don't like Dirk. Dirk has 8 All-Star appearances, Durant none and unlike the East All-Stars who have two first timers, the West has none. I like what KD has done in OKC and I hope he can pull out 24 wins for a chance to win a bet.

I also believe Amare should not be a starter.

Anyway, I'm rooting for Eddie Mansion to get into the 3 point contest and win against Ray Allen, I'm always rooting for my man CP3 to win the skills, The Rookies will win thanks to the Greg Oden issue, and I'm rooting against Dwight Howard again if he doesn't dunk the damn ball.

AplusFilmz

New music video from the old roommates out in California, Fredo and Scotty Fleish. Good job fellas keep it going.

Airline Toilets

Don't fly Continental. Why, you ask? Well, this is an actual story that happened to me this christmas.

I was flying back from Houston. I had spent the better part of 6 days traveling; two 18 hour car rides in a minivan with three 6'2'' men and one 6'7'' man, and my mom, then 4 flights that connect Rochester-Newark-and Houston. So, i was pretty worn out from traveling and just anxious to be getting home. I'm one leg away from my final destination, sitting in the Newark airport. I've got like 45 minutes to kill and UCONN is playing so i park my ass at the airport bar and enjoy watching Kemba Walker's learning curve.

(UCONN side-note: Why can't Hasheem Thabeet play like he is 7'3''? He plays like a biggity bitch. I mean, for christ's sake, there aren't even that many other 7 footers in the big east, let alone 7'3''. He's not Shawn Bradley tall either, he's got some body to him. I need for Hasheem Thabeet to suck some of Dwight Howard's life blood and start averaging 25 and 15. Either that, or start Jeff Adrien at center and run a 4 guard offense with Stanley Robinson as the 4. Stanley Robinson will at least battle for some boards...honestly.)

Now obviously I wait until the last second to board the plane, because what good does it do to get on early, all you end up doing is sitting on the plane not drinking beers, when you could be sitting at the bar drinking beers. So, I get on and this plane is a shuttle plane, for flights that are around and hour or less. I have the first seat, so I take it and sit down. I'm not really listening as they do the announcements, because I just got the Kings of Leon CD and I'm really into it. So, we take off and they start drink service. I get one more beer, why not, and sip and read Larry birds awful biography. After the attendant walks pass me, I feel the call of the wild and get up to take a leak. Unfortunately for me, the bathroom is locked, even though it is unoccupied. I ask the stewardess what the dilly is and she informs me that the bathroom is broken on this plane. (Dun-dun-duuuuuuunnnnnn) So, I ask if I can squeeze by her to get to the toilet in the back of the plane. She informs me that there is no toilet in the back...just the one in the front....that's broken. So now I'm a little frantic. What does she want me to do? There's still a half hour left, plus taxi time, plus the time it takes to set up the walkway, plus the time it takes me to run to a bathroom. My best guess is 50 minutes minimum that I need to hold it. I've never gone 50 minutes. I have options though. A near empty water bottle is in my bag, and it's big enough to hold the biggest piss. So now I make a moral decision.

Do I tell the stewardess I am gonna pee in the bottle, or just do it? The seats around me are empty and it's dark. No one needs to no. I just can't do it though, it's weird, and it's wrong. So I tell her that it is truly an emergency and that I am going to go ahead and rectify the situation using my tools. I just want her to know so she doesn't get all freaked out. Then, she tells me that I am not allowed to do this, which doesn't surprise me at all. Of course you're not allowed to piss on an airplane in a bottle. I ask her what she wants me to do, thinking she had my interest in mind. That was a poor decision, because she does not have my interest in mind, which seems funny to me since I am the paying customer and she is the woman paid to serve me on this flying prison with no working bathrooms. The minutes tick down, and I contemplate my fate. I could try and sneak a pee in, but she is watching carefully and even with my sweatshirt over my lap, she'd know something was up. Apparently there would be heavy fine and possibly jail time for this. I am nearly ready to take my chances, but then landing starts.

Landing only takes a couple minutes, but you need to factor on time for taxing and the time it takes the retards they call flight crews to attach the walkway thing, plus the time it takes me to run to the bathroom and get my brand new button down jeans low enough to squirt my johnson out of them. So, we land and I stand at the front door with small drops of urine percolating out of my man thing. Large, cold monkeys scream things that no one can understand across the walkway and eventually attach it, on the third time. I bolt to the nearest bathroom. I have been pinching myself, punching my legs, and biting my lip for the last 40 minutes, holding this bad boy in. My abs have been clenched for that whole time. I get to the airport bathroom. It's disgusting, as all airport bathrooms are. At this point, I don't care. I drop my bag into a puddle of, most likely, baby piss, throw off my sweatshirt, aiming for the bag of course, but missing....of course, and I get my jeans down just enough to allow my willy to snake out and start what was and probably stay the most rewarding piss of my life.

I am crafting a letter explaining my disappointment in their service, and stating that I will most assuredly never fly with them again. I am doing this mostly for the slim possibility of getting a free ticket somewhere. If i do get a ticket, I'll let you know that it is OK to fly Continental again.

ZOMBIES!!!!!

Probowl Info, as if anyone cares

So I announced a while ago that next year's Pro Bowl will be one week before the Superbowl, but I didn't know that it will not be in Hawaii and it will be in Miami, the same place as next years Superbowl. WTF? The NFL continues to confuse me, whatever I don't really care as long as Brett Favre isn't playing in the game.

MIAMI (AP)—The Pro Bowl will be played one week before the Super Bowl in 2010 and both games will be staged in Dolphin Stadium, a person directly involved in the decision told The Associated Press on Monday.

The official spoke on condition of anonymity because the NFL has not announced the move, but Hawaii’s governor and Honolulu’s mayor both confirmed the situation later Monday.

Thirsty Thursdays Drink of the Day

ABSINTHE

For some reason I am really energetic today, I really can not tell you why, but if I had some absinthe right now I would try to drink it until I hallucinated. Rumor has it that the wormwood ingredient in absinthe has psychoactive principles and therefore if enough wormwood is ingested you can hallucinate. I do not suggest this unless with someone else and in a mood where you feel like swallowing shit that taste like gasoline. But hey who am I to stop you, get wild kids, just don't drink and operate machinery like a car or a chainsaw.

Banned Superbowl Ad

So this is all over the internet today, this PETA ad has been banned from the Superbowl commercial programming. These people at PETA know how to make a damn good commercial though. All I gotta say is, fellas go find a vegetarian.

VEAL (aka Scal-Bags) out with concussion

From Yesterday - boston.com

WALTHAM -- Celtics forward Brian Scalabrine was taken to New England Baptist Hospital after suffering a concussion at practice today, and coach Doc Rivers said he expects the forward to be out for an extended period of time.

Scalabrine originally suffered a concussion against Dallas last Sunday and received another when he bumped into teammate Patrick O'Bryant while trying to get a rebound at practice today.

Scalabrine is averaging 3.1 points and 1.3 rebounds this season.

"He got hit in the head and just had a mild concussion," Rivers said. "I don't know if he is out, but it's close. He'll be out probably for quite some time."

Rivers said he could activate guard Tony Allen tomorrow night against Sacramento after he missed the past 11 games with a sprained right ankle. Allen practiced today. Rivers said he has been cautious with Allen’s return to ensure he is completely healed.

“Tony looked good actually,” Rivers said. “He ran well, moved well. You could tell he was in terrible shape and that was what he was concerned by. He said, ‘My, after three minutes I was dying.’ We said, ‘We’ll play you three minutes.’ With Scal out, Tony may have to play [more] tomorrow.”

Looks like the Celtic's 6th man is going to be sidelined for a while. I love Scal and this really hurts me. I love watching his pasty white flesh hustle around the court. If you want to see someone with not much talent but a lot of effort this is the dude, just the other day he started the game, played crazy good defense, had a dunk, and did the Paul Pierce fake shot draw body contact then put the shot up and get to the line (although he airballed the shot when Pierce would have made it). He was killing it and now big dummy Patrick O'Toole had to flail his arms during a rebound and knock Scal out. Damn you Patrick! Get better Scal-Bags you will be missed.

Translation of 9 Words Woman Use

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.


- Sir Charles

New Layout

So what do you think of the new layout? Leave a comment with your thoughts or send an email to thetam21@gmail.com

I'm on this Indie Electronic Rock Music bender

I don't really know what to call this music I have been obsessed over lately. My buddy horse has led me to most of it. I am listening to this everywhere, in my car, skiing, dancing hammered at 3 a.m. in my boxers. If you like it you can legally download most of it, if you don't like it well do more drugs and maybe you will.

Passion Pit - Sleepyhead


Lymbyc Systym - Astrology Days (remix)


Friendly Fires - Paris


Black Kids - I'm not gonna teach your boyfriend

Movie Trailer Monday

Friday I finally saw Slumdog Millionaire and suggest to everyone that if you want to see a superbly executed film from all angles go see this immediately. The writing and acting are spectacularly blended into Danny Boyle's creative directing approach. His minimal use of subtitles and the gritty portrayal of poverty stricken India is brilliant. I could go on and on but I won't

I will say that I correctly called Paul Blart: Mall Cop taking home top spot again this week just edging out Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. I am going to go out on a limb and say that the new Liam Neeson movie Taken will be number one next weekend, I say this mainly because they are marketing the shit out of that movie and hey the trailer is pretty sweet. It's a slow weekend with the Superbowl and all and look for movies with Oscar buzz to rise a little higher this week such as Slumdog and Milk (with Sean Penn's SAG award win) and Doubt (Maryl Streep SAG win).




In other news:

Mickey Rourke could be part of WWE's Wrestlemania 25.

There is talk of a possible Charlie Angel's 3 with Rihanna as a new angel.

Heath won SAG award last night for Best Supporting, naturally, and if I haven't mentioned this Dark Knight is back in IMAX, you can get your tickets online.

George Clooney will be back to ER for a couple episodes during its final season

A special 3-D trailer for Monsters vs. Aliens (animated) will be shown during the Superbowl, I also heard that other commercials will be in 3-D however I don't know where to get the free glasses at, I heard supermarkets but don't know for sure yet, I will be on the look out.

A movie about the life of Whitey Bulger has been picked up.

See Ya Circuit City

So Circuit City is going out of business. This is awful for a couple of reasons. The first is that thousands of people will lose their jobs and as much as that sucks it sucks more that they will now be fighting against me to get work. It also sucks because you can't go into Best Buy and tell them that Circuit City is offering this "item" for 10 dollars cheaper and then proceed to have BB mark it down and take an additional 10% off. I never really like Circuit City I was more of a Best Buy dude. Maybe because when I went in Best Buy it was cool looking and Circuit City was boring and couldn't remodel with the times. Anyway this means a blow out sale and my dad needs a surround sound set up. Good times Circuit City but all good things must come to an end.

Amber Heard, chick from Pineapple Express...

Is naked in this trailer for The Informers

Thirsty Thursdays Drink of the Day

- A day late a drink short.
Since I am poor, like back when I was a freshman in college, I have resorted to what I drank back then. Keystone Light. Keystone is brewed by Coors Light and I have heard reports that if you look at the cans each one is dented and so they were suppose to be Coors Light but since it was dented they threw a Keystone Label on it. I don't know if it is true but I do know that you can get a thirty rack for $9.99 in NH. Live Free and Drink Bitches.

Poop journal's untimely demise

I've been re-watching these videos and I want to say Fuck you guys. Fuck you for not telling me how stupid and boring these are. It took a friend of mine who is not a dumbass to tell me how stupid these look, and sound. Soooo, without further ado, I will stop recording myself reading these, and start the process of turning them into a PDF file that you'll probably be able to download, maybe. This is probably going to take a while, so don't get too excited.

With that change, it appears that I have no set role for me to fulfill on this blog. I'm a little sad. I almost feel like crying, but not as much as when I watch this. I don't know what it is about it, but I well up every time. I think I've seen it like 27 times in the past 3 days, but ti still gets me.

Teddy seems to be all about reviewing movies and stuff recently, most likely because the Oscar nominations came out today. Here's a review of a movie that will NOT garner Oscar nominations.




Oh also, Happy birthday Steve Perry.


Thank you for this....and this.....and this....of course there was this too.

Why Do All Movie Stars Think They Can Sing?

What is the deal with hollywood movie stars thinking that all of a sudden they can magically become musicians? I just don't get it, what is the sense of making yourself look like a total assclown in the public eye and the media. I mean come on your making millions of dollars for doing your job, which is ACTING. Your not going to get paid or get any props for sounding like a jackass singing at a karaoke bar. Also what pisses me off is that musicians try to play that same fucking switcharoo shit from singing to acting too. Why can't you just do what your good at and leave it at that? What brought me to this rant is seeing what Joaquin Phoenix is doing to himself. In October Phoenix announced that he was quitting acting to pursue his dream of becoming a musician. Ok first off I don't want to hear that bullshit like bla bla bla o that is his dream, he wants to follow his heart and truly be happy crap. We all have dreams but that does not give you the excuse to go batshit crazy. Yes, I would love to be the president of the United States someday but I have accepted the fact that is not going to happen, so I'm just going to get over it and not lose my mind. Anyway, I think he was good at singing like Johnny Cash in Walk the Line, but this certainly doesn't mean I think hes going to make it in the music industry. Someone should really tell him to layoff the devil's lettuce or whatever else he is smoking. Ok Ive had enough of verbally bashing Phoenix, I am just going to have to back up my shit talking with this video of phoenix trying to be the next Marshall Mathers.

Alphabetical American Anarchy

As you might have guessed, this is the 4^th installment of AAA – making it time for the letter ‘D.’ This week will showcase an amazing feat for online databases. Everyone knows the amazing powers of Wikipedia. Some may know the greatness of Chickipedia. Here we will add to the legacy that is Dickipedia.

It is a showcase of the most famous morons with the largest reputations for being douchebags...err... dicks. Here is a great excerpt with some New England flavor. Entry: Mitt Romney...

Political Career

In 1994, he ran for Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat, losing after Kennedy infamously called the (then) pro-choice Romney “multiple choice,” a stinging rebuke for which Romney was only able to think of the perfect comeback hours later, while lying in bed, which is totally frustrating. On the heels of his Olympic success, Romney was elected governor of Massachusetts in 2002. He began his term as a proponent of domestic partnerships for same-sex couples, and ended it urging the U.S. Senate to pass a constitutional ban on gay marriage. Untroubled by low approval ratings (70% of Massachusetts residents rated him “fair to poor”), Romney decided to run for president at the conclusion of his term in January 2007.

On February 7, 2008, Romney suspended his presidential campaign, describing his moral obligation to make sure the Democrats lose as badly as possible. At a speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference, Romney spoke at length about his devotion to ensuring the success of the Iraq war and protecting American lives. In solidarity, voters overwhelmingly agreed with him that the best thing for America was for him to not be President.

Tagg

It bears repeating that one of Mitt Romney’s sons is named “Tagg.”

This is great writing. The entry is informative, tasteless, and the applicant is fully deserving of the biting remarks. Also, it creates a model for an endless amount of more entries, because as we know, there is certainly no shortage of dicks in this world. Even without the recession, supply far surpasses demand.

The database is still very limited at this point as to the current selected input – but I am putting out a call for fans to beef it up. Here is a great lead.

Phillip Calvin McGraw (born September 1, 1950), best known as Dr. Phil, is an American television pseudo-personality, a mediocre psychologist, an author, and a dick. Currently he hosts his own television show, Dr. Phil, which debuted in 2002, while behind the scenes begging his wife not to divorce him and ruin his image. McGraw first gained celebrity status by telling fat women on The Oprah Winfrey Show in the late 1990s that they’re retarded.

On November 23, 1968 McGraw's football team at the University of Tulsa lost to the University of Houston 100–6, which is one of the most lopsided games in college football history.

~ S. Caustic

Douchebags

A friend recently showed me this website and it had me laughing my ass off. So if you need a laugh and want to see some of the biggest douchebags/jabronis in the world, you need to check this website out. Enjoy http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

Movie Trailer Monday

So I predicted that Paul Blart: Mall Cop would take the weekends top spot and that Notorious would come in number 2. I also predicted a Arizona Cardinals and Baltimore Ravens win. Looks like I was correct with Mall Cop and Zona, but Notorious came in a disappointing 4th with Gran Torino 2 and that 3-D movie third. Fifty percent is not good enough for me. So here we go, I can honestly say that no movies are coming out that I think will beat Mall Cop, we got three movies that seem interesting, Killshot, Possession, and Revolutionary Road. My prediction is 1. Mall Cop 2. Revolutionary Road (strictly from Leo and Kate Winslet billing) 3. Gran Torino again 4. Notorious and 5. Killshot. The new trailers are below enjoy. OH and I forgot Zona over Pitt. because Larry Fitzgerald is the man.








In other news:

I am hearing a great buzz out of Sundance Film Festival that 500 Days of Summer is a great romantic indie type movie along the lines of Juno and Garden State.

Spike Lee is getting Inside Man 2 together.

Terminator Salvation will be released on IMAX

Will Ferrell will bring his George W. Bush impression to the stage for a one man show over 75 minutes.

Sundance is bringing the heat so you might want to read up on it, google it because there are so many reviews out. You can also tell your friends to google this blog so next year we can have a big enough fan base to get money and actually send someone out to Utah for the festival.

It's ok to cry, if Chris Connelly says so.

I come home from work to eat lunch because it's close and that way I spend less time and money on food. Today i had chicken nuggets and was watching the highlights of Hasheem Thabeet and AJ Price take a steaming dump on Seton Hall, when I found this. There are some haunting voices that will just never leave you. Some make you scared, others sad, others sexually aroused. Chris Connelly can make me cry within the first three sentences of any "My Wish" segment. I don't know how to describe it. Take it as you will, and check out Dan Gocek reviewing movies in his bathtub.

Brian Scalabrine's calves are huge

I just watched Brian Scalabrine start the game against the Nets today. Besides the fact that his beard is retarded looking (it doesn't help that he is a ginger) his lower legs look like meat sticks. I swear to Jesus if I was in a plane crash (The kind that take place in desolute wilderness, not in the Hudson)with Scal-Bags and we had to eat someone, I would choose him first because of those juicy looking lower legs.

Time for movie reviews, from my friend Dan's bathtub!

This guy is the intro video, which tells how episodes are gonna play out, and below is the first ever edition of "Clean Critiques"

Bathrooms should never be more than room temperature

I love college basketball, and I'm not ashamed to say it. I can't say this has always been the case. I didn't even really like sports until about 10th grade. I thought I wanted to be an actor when I was younger and mostly liked watching cartoons and playing Super Smash Brothers on N64 more than any UNC/Duke matchup or Red Sox /Yankees game. Then, thanks to my Grandpa John, I was introduced into the wide world of sport. At first, I only liked the NFL. I was a huge Thurman "The Thurmanator" Thomas fan, and watched the Bills, and later the Dolphins, just to catch a glimpse of him streaking down the sidelines. Somehow, I starting liking college basketball, the NBA, and baseball a lot as well, but nothing could ever take NFL Football's place in my heart. It's like your first real girlfriend.


But, like Bob Dylan, or Cate Blanchett as Bob Dylan in "I'm not there", said, the times they are a'changin. College basketball is my new girlfriend. That, of course, is only if you are following the poorly shaped metaphor I started about football being my first love. But seriously, I don't know what it is about the NFL playoffs this year. I'm just not that into them. My best guess is a couple of reasons; my team (the Redskins) isn't in it, Donovan "I didn't know we could tie" McNabb is leading the hottest playoff team right now, I hate the Eagles, the AFC matchup is pretty boring, and the Cardinal's seem to decide if they will play defense based on a flip of a coin. The only thing I am actively rooting for, and the only thing that keeps me watching, is any time someone passes the ball against Ed Reed and the hope that Larry Fitzgerald will catch 38 touchdowns in the NFC Championship.

I feel like I have been dating the NFL all through High School and half way through freshman year in college and I am only holding on to what we have because I respect everything our relationship has brought me in the past year, even though it has become mundane of late. Meanwhile, I am now at college seeing all these guys who are uglier and stupider than me pulling plenty of hot broads, so I am beginning to question whether or not I should be pulling hot broads too. This of course, leads to me splitting up with the NFL because I mean, long distance doesn't work anyway. Now I am free to fool around with anyone I want. I have a good run with MLB baseball, and we still have something there, but it's not serious enough for me to commit long term. Our time together is our time together, ya know? In the time I am sort of hanging out with MLB, I go home for the summer and see NFL again. She is still looking good, and still wants me to be a part of her life, so of course that summer brings with it numerous hook ups, and a fair share of "What are we doing? What are we?" conversations, eventually leading me to heartache. However, I am not ready to accept that is over, but it is certainly over for now.

So, I go back to school and meet College Basketball. Actually, I meet Division 1 CBB, and her less attractive, but far more fun to hang out with cousin, Division 3 CBB. These two become a big part of my life, which is cool, because I get pretty involved with DIII CBB, and DI CBB realizes that she can never tell her cousin what happened that one night we drank margaritas from the 5 gallon Gatorade container. Now, we have a great two and half years together, but I have to do something with my life before I graduate to feel like college was worth 160 grand. So, I tell DIII CBB she will always have a place in my heart, and leave for LA to finish school, making sure to save DI CBB's number in my phone for drunk dials.

Then, it's off to LA, where I meet a foxy lady whose name is NBA basketball. It's weird too, because I see DI CBB at the Pac-10 semi finals, and she is looking LOVEly, and I think that I MAY Over time, get back with her, but then she leaves me, and I start to get serious with this NBA chick. She rocks my world. Unbelievable in the sack, smoking hot, she's the type of girl you want to walk into a club with, but I start to think a long term thing is not in our future. So, I go back to the east coast for graduation and we have the "Can we make this work?" talk. I’m not sure, but I want to keep things going just to see, and we decide to stay together. The playoff's end, and so does my short lived relationship with the NBA, because I feel like we have unmatched expectations. She wants me to travel stay super involved, and I am just not ready to commit that hard, even though I still have feelings for her. I obviously still think about the NBA, with LeBron just killing it and everything, but we’re in different times in our lives right now. I feel like if we lived in the same area, we could make it work, but Rochester, NY just isn't cutting it for me and the NBA. So, now I'm all alone with a lot of interest in getting back with the NFL, but she is apparently done with being a special part of my life. She values my friendship, but just doesn't have romantic feelings for me. So, I move on...and it's hard, but I do. And somehow, out of the blue, Kentucky Blue to be exact, I come right back to DI CBB. It was Jodie Meeks who brought me back, dropping 54 on Tennessee and Bruce Pearl. I mean, UCONN is my team, so I don't really get into any ACC, SEC, Big 12, Big 10, Pac 10 matchups, but I couldn't stop watching. Jodie Meeks showed me love in it's purest form, the love of the game. I'm sorry for getting all sentimental on you about this, but DI CBB is back, and I am excited for it. She is a whole different girl this time, completely different than I remember her. That's to be expected though, I mean, the last time I was involved with DI CBB Kevin Durant hadn't even started his freshman season. It's a whole new monster this time, and I like it. Who knows where this will go, but I am finally interested in a sport again.

Thirsty Thursdays Drink of the Day

SEVEN AND SEVEN




Basically take a glass fill it with ice and pour a lot of Seagrams into it and then top it off with some 7-Up. If you want to feel classy you can add a lemon or lime, who gives a shit. Just get hammered.

This was inspired from the Seagrams handle that costs $15 at the NH State Candy Store (aka Liquor Store).

T-Bell's Wedding

AP - NORMAL, Ill. (Jan. 12) -- Wedding bells meant Taco Bell for Paul and Caragh Brooks. Customers inside the fast-food restaurant continued to order tacos and burritos as the couple sat Friday in an orange booth at Taco Bell and exchanged vows.



It's appropriate," groom Paul Brooks said. "It's an offbeat relationship." Employees displayed hot sauce packets labeled with the words "Will you marry me?" They decorated the restaurant with streamers and balloons.

The bride wore a $15 hot pink dress and the entire wedding cost about $200. Several dozen guests looked on as the couple's friend, Ryan Green of Normal, administered the vows while wearing a T-shirt. He was ordained online.

"This is the way to go — there's no stress," said the groom's mother, Kathy Brooks.

Caragh Brooks, 21, of Australia, met Paul Brooks, 30, on an Internet dating Web site. They already had the same last name.

The couple wrote back and forth and talked on the phone for nine months before Caragh Brooks moved to the United States. "We have the same brain, just in two bodies," Paul Brooks said. "We think alike in virtually every manner. We have the same interests, viewpoints."

He proposed on New Year's Eve and, because they like to spend time at the local Taco Bell, they decided to wed there. "I would never have expected in my life in working here there would be a wedding," restaurant manager Carl Hamlow said.

So is this not the best wedding ever? I mean after the I Do bullshit you get to eat T-Bells instead of cold or shitty wedding food that costs way to much money anyway. Shit if Taco Bell would allow an open bar that's where I am having my wedding. This is amazing.

Everyone Sweats The Patriot's Balls

So once again everyone is trying to suck on the teats of the patriots franchise. Scott Pioli former patriots vice president of player personal is now leaving to move on to smaller and shittier things as Kansas City's new GM. Also, the fucking Denver Broncos stole are offense coordinater Josh Mcdaniels, so what is the deal with this continuing pattern? I don't know but I mean we are so awesome that everyone in the NFL is ready and willing to take our towel boy and put them as their head coach. Seriously Bill Belichick is such a genius that if he took a shit, other teams in the NFL would try to interview it and throw a headset on it just to try to achieve our organizations prestige and glory. Well patriots fans shouldn't worry because these backstabbing bitches are going to fall in the same downward spiral that happens to everyone who leaves the best team in the NFL. Just look at Romeo Crennel, Charlie Weis, and the Mangina himself and try not to laugh (sorry teddy). Belichick is definitely already getting ready for the draft and next season. I bet he's sitting in a chair crushing manweiser's, watching film, creating plays, and cranking some Bon Jovi. Next year is going to be one hell of a ride and this time we will not get scewed out of the playoffs!

Tuesday = Funny Pictures

~Sir Charles AKA Mr. Chicken and Cheese

What's G?

So I have found out that the G commercials narrated by Lil Wayne featuring famous athletes is the new campaign for Gatorade. Yeah if you ask me it's G for Gay but whatever.

Speaking of Lil Wayne, he is ESPN's new celebrity crush

Here is his blog for ESPN The Magazine, here.

And here he is on First Take

Weekend Wrap Up/ Monday Movie Trailer

Ok fuckers, sorry this is a little late, but yesterday I was busy so chill.

Let's start off with Friday Night, cause that was a dismal effort by the Celtics. LBJ and company straight dookied on them. However, I wasn't surprised I mean really what do games in in January really mean? The C's realize that they need to play great basketball at the end of the regular season and in the playoffs so I'm not to concerned about them. Look they haven't had a real nice 4 game break since before Christmas and imagine that rode trip during the holidays, that sucks. With two wins over Toronto Sunday and Monday they know whats up so I'm not worried. Plus they are getting solid minutes from the one and only Brian Scalabrine. Scal-Bags has been playing out of his fucking mind and getting mad burn with Perk on the bench.

On to Football. What a fucking weekend of pigskin. I love when the underdogs win. Fuck all you number high seeds and Pittsburgh can lick my balls. To wrap it up, Baltimore's defense is really really good and they hit so fucking hard that Ray Lewis would kill me if he tackled me. Jake Delhomme SUCKS. All New York teams SUCK. and Pitt gets every lucky bounce/break ever. I'm rooting for a Cards vs. Ravens Superbowl with the NFC West champs taking it home because Larry Fitzgerald is a beast.

Finally, The Golden Globes. Now that's a fucking party. If I ever make it big in Hollywood that's the one awards show I want to go to. Did you see how many celebs were just swallowing down the booze. OMG. People were shitfaced. And how many swears and middle fingers were caught on camera. Damn what a night.

So Slumdog Millionaire is obviously the front runner for a lot of awards at the Oscars and how can it not. It just won Best Picture Drama (and let's face it a Drama always beats a Musical or Comedy at the Oscars) and Best Director. I have a feeling this could pull off a win like two years ago when The Departed won best director and best picture and throw in a writing award and another one.

Kate Winslet kicked some major ass taking home two awards one for Best Lead and another for Best Supporting. Let me just say that she is a smoke show MILF. Holy crap and what gets me is that her hubby is kinda butt. However if you don't know yet, here is a pic of Leo D's new squeeze some model named Bar Rafaeli, she is a smokin hot dumpa! Leo is the man all he does is make amazing movies and slay hot broads.

Heath won, obviously, is there really any doubt about his role? Good for Colin Farrell and Mickey Rourke, two dudes who have had some rough times but put out great performances. Wall-E won but we all knew that, and 30 Rock won which it should have. John Adams won a shit ton of awards. The company I worked at in LA did special features for the series and I have to tell you that this Mini Series is legit. Not as good as Band of Brothers but right right behind it. If you like history it's a must see.

MONDAY MOVIE TRAILER

How can I ever doubt Clint Eastwood, that old hag straight demolished Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway in the box office over the weekend. Gran Torino is the reigning champ and two pictures come out worthy of knocking it off the top spot. Notorious (the Biggie Smalls Biopic) and Paul Blart: Mall Cop come out this Friday. My prediction is that Mall Cop will be the number 1 film but here is my beef with this flick. It's a fucking PG rating, that shit could be so much funnier but really a PG rating? It's ok I guarantee that the Seth Rogen mall cop movie will be rated R. So I see it going. Mall Cop will be 1 and Notorious will be 2 but it will be close because Biggie and hip-hop has such a following that this could as huge as 8-Mile. So here are the Mall Cop and Notorious trailers.

NOTORIOUS - this movie looks good but it's hard to see someone portray Big and Puff but this is good for hip hop.





PAUL BLART: MALL COP - Kevin James likes UFC so he is cool and funny.




In Other News:

That Seth Rogen as a Mall Security Officer I was talking about, Observe & Report, starring Anna Faris, will premiere at SXSW a month before its release April 10th.

Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno movie is holding test screenings and supposedly a main plot of the story has to do with Madonna, maybe that's why he ethered her at the Golden Globes. Plus I heard he portrays a Black model names Jesus. Sounds like typical Cohen humor.

I'm Spent!!!!

Golden Globe, winners list.

Sorry but I am skiing today and that rivals my favorite thing to do so I will be in later giving you my golden globe wrap up, Monday's movie trailer, and some sports wrap up from the weekend. See you later tonight folks.

Best Motion Picture, Drama
Slumdog Millionaire

Best Actor, Motion Picture, Drama
Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Best Television Series, Drama
Mad Men

Best Actress, Motion Picture, Drama
Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road

Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Best Actor, Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Colin Farrell, In Bruges

Best Director, Motion Picture
Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire

Best Actress, Television Series, Musical or Comedy
Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Best Original Score, Motion Picture
A.R. Rahman, Slumdog Millionaire

Best Television Series, Comedy or Musical
30 Rock

Best Actor in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
Paul Giamatti, John Adams

Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy or Musical
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Best Screenplay
Simon Beaufoy, Slumdog Millionaire

Best Actress, Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
Laura Linney, John Adams

Best Foreign-Language Film
Waltz With Bashir, Israel

Best Supporting Actor, Motion Picture
Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight

Best Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
John Adams

Best Actress, Comedy or Musical
Sally Hawkins, Happy-Go-Lucky

Best Motion Picture, Animated
WALL-E

Best Actress in a Television Series, Drama
Anna Paquin, True Blood

Actor in a Television Series, Drama
Gabriel Byrne, In Treatment

Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries or TV Movie
Laura Dern, Recount

Supporting Actor in a Series, Miniseries or TV Movie
Tom Wilkinson, John Adams

Original Song
"The Wrestler," The Wrestler; music and lyrics by Bruce Springsteen

Supporting Actress, Motion Picture
Kate Winslet, The Reader

p.s. I called Slumdog along time ago even Jeezy loved it.

Red Sox Acquire Rocco

In honor of the the sox picking up Rocco Baldelli the Rhode Island native, I had to post this hilarious video that sums up who Rocco Baldelli is and what he can bring to your mlb team. Enjoy.

Lovers Emails

So these are two emails sent between me and Kyle. Basically he sent me the whole series of The Wire on 6 DVDs and in return I have to send him a copy of Final Cut Express and his Halo 3 game. Thats the preface to these emails.

Sent From Me to Kyle:

I got your DVDs and none of them work on a dvd player, thanks. So now i have to convert every file and re burn them. Basically you just give me work to do. What else do i have to do though. Anyway, what address do you want me to send you your shit too? I hate you!!!

Sent From Kyle to Me:

Dude, I told you I had downloaded them. What do I fucking look like, a DVD conversion store, you fucking idiot. I don't even know how to do that, except through final cut, and guess what, I don't have final cut....yet. So get on that. I did try to make them into regular dvds in iDVD, but that didn't work. So, just watch them on your fucking computer dumbass. It's not like you really need to get out of bed anyway. The way I imagine it, you wake up around 10am, watch sportscenter until you want to jack off, then with your computer in your bed, do so. Next, you search the internet and facebook, looking for cool things to put in the blog, after not finding anything, you go downstairs and eat something. Then, you go back to your bed and jack off again. At this point it is 2pm. Here is where it gets tricky. You now either watch a movie, some old tv on DVD, go to the public library, or work out a little bit. My guess is, watch a movie. So, then it's 5pm and either Horse or JLO call you and you get food and hang out with them for a while, but then realize you can't go get beers with them so you come home and play a little madden before jacking off again, and then watching prime-time tv, probably sports. Then, you stay up later looking at the internet and then jack off once more (total = 4 times daily) and then go to bed around 1 or 2.


So thats what Kyle thinks my day is like, well he is mostly right, add a shit, some more food, and a covert mission stealing my parents booze and getting housed in my garage then he has it down. Oh I listen to music and think of all you readers out there too.

How to mow the entire state of Massachusetts

Another one for you guys. I have some free time right now, so I figured I'd treat you with a poo journal.

Here's some thoughts I had at work while waiting for my computer to become unfrozen:
Playing with the Patriots in Madden 09 is cheating. They are just too good. Randy Moss can catch the patented "Chuck it up deep" balls, Wes Welker catches anything within 15 yards of him, and the defense only needs to be within the passing lane to make ridiculous picks.I think they have 72 shotgun formations or something like that. No other team n Madden history has had that kind of offensive diversity. Not to mention the people at EA gave Tom Brady an absurdly high QB ranking, and also gave the other guys on the offense rankings that are too high. It reminds of being Kirby in Super Smash Brothers for N64. You could only be Kirby if you were a girl, or had never played. Kirby could just do too much to not die. It's like Danny Almonte in the LLWS. Yesterday I had 5 Tom Brady INT's in a madden game and I was still beaten by the Patriots. To contrast, the game before I had 7 picks of Jake Delhomme (I was the Browns) and won that game 42-14. It was closer than the score makes it look.The victim of that viscous beat down was none other than my faithful video game friend, Dan Gocek. He said at some point in the 4th quarter, "I am still trying out new shotgun formations!" I mean, really? Seriously? Come on John Madden…..

Go see Slumdog Millionaire. It is easily the best movie I have seen since I watched Forrest Gump the other night. It really is very good though. Danny Boyle, the director of "Trainspotting" also directed this one. The story is unpredictable, and pretty raw. It's shot extremely well and shows a side of India I am 99% sure 99% of America doesn't know about. There isn't anyone in it of note, but that doesn't stop the acting performances from being extraordinary. I'm not sure what this means, but I feel like "gutsy" is the right thing to say about Dev Patel's performance as Jamal Malik, a young boy born from the slums. Also, his co-star Freida Pinto is instantly catapulted onto the top of my hottest actresses list. Basically, if you've ever spent 7-12 dollars going to see anything with Jim Carrey or Clive Owens in it, you will feel better about spending your money on this.

MOWING MASSACHUSETTS

(All facts and figures were researched doggedly via the Internet. Check them if you want.) Here it goes Willy Dawk:

So, the area of Massachusetts is 10, 555 square miles. 13% of that 10,555 is covered by water. So, that means that 9182.85 square miles of Massachusetts are covered by something other than water. If water covers 13%, it is not an unreasonable guess to say that roads and buildings cover 5% of the state. That would bring the total square mileage of Massachusetts that is covered by vegetation to 8,655.1 square miles. A square mile of land holds 640 acres. That would mean there are 5,539,264 acres of mow-able ground in Massachusetts. My lawn is one half of an acre. It takes 1 hour to mow my lawn. That means it would take 2 hours to mow an acre of land. (Point of reference: I have a push mower, in the situation, you would be provided with a ride on mower, drastically reducing the time needed to mow one acre of land. However, for this query, we will assume the push mower if all we have.) So, that means it would take 11,078,528 hours to mow the part of Massachusetts that is covered by vegetation. (It is important to note that you would not have to mow the area covered by forest growth and high grass, only the lawns.) Anyway, we can divide the total amount of hours by 24 and figure out that it would take 461,605.333 days to mow that area. We divide that number by 365 to find that it would take 1,264.67214611872 years to mow the area of Massachusetts covered by vegetation.
This rough estimation proves that it would not be possible to mow the entire state of Massachusetts in one lifetime. The total mow-able area would have to be less than half of the states total area, which I believe is unreasonable. There are just not enough beaches, landfills, forests, roads, and buildings to make me believe the total mow-able area of Massachusetts is under half. However, Rhode Island is not out of the question. The Ocean State is only 1,214 square miles. That alone means that there could only possibly be 776,960 acres of mow-able land in R.I. That would take, assuming the entire state is a lawn, 177.38812785 years to mow. Now, it is obvious that Rhode Island is not a giant lawn. I believe that the amount of beach coverage, road coverage, and urban coverage in Rhode Island would make it possible for one person to mow the entire state in one lifetime.



The only question now is: Is it too late for YOU to be that guy?

Thirsty Thursdays Drink of the Day

So I almost had a real job, I beat out 48 people but not 49. The lady told me that it was down between me and this other terd but they chose him cause he had more experience. So naturally what did I do, head to the liquor store. On the contrary not to bury my misery in booze but to search for a job there. They weren't hiring but the only guy in there at 10 a.m. bought a box of wine. So he gave me inspiration.

Franzia Box of Wine:
So grab some box
or
Slap the Bag
or
Wine Stand It

and enjoy!!!

Balancing a checkbook is like negotiating peace in Gaza

What's going on, faithful readers? I know that all 3 of you have been dearly waiting for another poop journal update, and guess what, here it is. I realized that I have been reading these without introducing any of the key players in the journal itself. I would change names and stuff, but no one reads this anyway, and there are probably like a hundred thousand Sean Coughlin's in the world, at least. So, here is a brief introduction into the cast of characters that surrounds the poop journal.



K. Jeezy/Kyle joyce/me - I am Kyle Joyce. I grew up in upstate NY, got wait listed at every school I wanted to go to, and went to whichever one my dad wanted me to go to the least. We all went to Emerson for whatever reason, but for me it gave me an opportunity to play college basketball, which was cool. I got to play in games where we were up or down by 30 and usually for like the last 1:30. This is why i love this blog so much. Anyway, I thought I was pretty cool at the time because I had scored a recorded basket in NCAA history. Unfortunately, I couldn't squite see what was really going on.

T. Co./T Chop/Teddy - Teddy is from New Bedford, Massachusetts. If you don't know where that is, pretend you are flexing your biceps. Now your arm is a mini model or cape cod. Where your armpit lays on your body, is where New Bedford lays on a map. Both are really smelly. Anyway, Teddy likes drinking a lot, Boston sports teams, and having sex with as many girls as he can. He is truly setting a new standard for men from New Bedford, a trailblazer, if you will.

Sean Coughlin/Coughleezy - Hollis, NH's most loveable italian. He plays basketball well, graduated with a marketing degree, and wore a soul patch for a long time in college. That should tell you just about all you need to know about Sean, except for his and his brothers nicknames, which are Lord Byron (brother Bryan) and Soon(Sean). And, his mother is a saint.

Alex Gadberry/Gadbeezy - Another Hollis, NH export. Drummer for the band Shipwreck. There is nothing Alex loves more than playing Halo 3 for 7 hours, going to Spike's hot dog's on Mass Ave, and then dancing his face off to top 40 music while everyone else gets drunk enough to pass out or make stupid decisions.

Kevin Klausman/Keveezy/KLK - Kevin is from Maine. He is pretty huge too, and by huge I mean tall. I think he is something like 6'5. Anyway, when the party starts, Keveez is there, ready to take it to another level. He loves zombies, boston hardcore music, and makin movies.

Ben Sloane - My best friend since 7th grade. We both grew up in Rochester, then went to Emerson. Ben used to not drink or do anything bad in High School. Now, he is an actor living in NYC, and regularly does guest spots on this youtube movie review channel that I like. More or less the funniest kid I know.

That is everyone who lived in our 6 person suite from 2005-2006 at Emerson college. However, there was a strong supporting cast of poopers who made there mark on the poop journal. Here they are.

Ryan "Rookie" Koontz - Ryan became friends with us out of a mutual interest of wanting to get drunk and have sex with girls. We happened to live on the no drinking, no drugs floor in Emerson dorms, so it was hard to find others who wanted to do bad things on our floor. Fortunately, god sent us Ryan Koontz.

Josh Jenkins - Maybe the smartest dude we know. I don't know what he is doing now, but I would assume he is either writing a book, or killing people. He too was huge, like 6'5.....he too was from Maine. Weird. Anyway, Jenkins loved playing Halo, rabble-rousing, and having a few sips of the good stuff every now and again. He lived off campus, so we used to have to sign him in to come play Halo for 13 hours a day, but ti was worth it.

Doug Kyed - Slept during the day, played video games and foosball at night. Also, doesn't drink, is in this band, and went to school for free cause his dad worked at the school.

Mike Ford - Only kid I will trust with internet rumors more than wikipedia. Mike Ford is a message board personified. Eats only cream cheese bars and pizza nuggets, while drinking only vitamin water and grape soda. If you want to illegally download some shit, talk to this kid. He hates everyone and everything, but he's not a bad dude.

Jason Nahum - At this time he was the short, fat, funny kid. Later he became the muscly, short, funny kid. A jew from new jersey, Jason was trying to break down walls for Jews everywhere by striving to make it in the entertainment industry. Now he lives in NYC, struggling against the establishment for a break in showbiz.

Dave Stauble/Staubs - Also in a band, and also from Hollis, NH. Dave loves driving pick up trucks, being awesome, and swimming in Rocky Pond. Honestly, I can't blame him. I don't think he really pooped in our bathroom too much, but he was integral to some of the stories.

Matt Moderski/Matty Mo - I don't think Matt ever pooped in our bathroom, but he was pretty sweet, and later became my roommate, which ruled. I don't know what he does now, but I'd like to thank him for introducing me to Motion City Soundtrack, Wolfenstein, and grav bongs. Thank you Matt, wherever you are.

This Guy Is Crazy

I have recently just started watching this show on the travel channel called bizarre foods with Andrew Zimmerman and I must say this guy is fucking crazy. This Alfred Hitchcock look a like travels the globe and seeks out to eat the most bizarre/disguisting foods that countries have to offer. The pure shock value alone will get you interested in this show. I mean just some of things I have seen him eat are frog ovary soup, bull rectum and balls, lamb tounge and eye, cow brain, armadillo, mosiquito eggs, fried rooster comb, sea slug guts, raw hearts, balut (fertilized duck egg with a partial developed embryo), hakari aka 8 week old putrified shark that you eat with blood pudding and this is just a taste. This guy's asshole must seriously hate him for what he is consuming. If he started his own poop journal god knows what it would say, maybe something like this. I was on the toilet longer than Brian Tillet on new years (my boy who passed out on the shitter) and I literally shit a chocolate covered squirrel. Honestly this guy rivals Bear Grylls for eating the grossest stuff Ive ever seen. That would be a hell of a pay per view event, Zimmerman vs Grylls first one to puke, tap out, shit their pants, or refusal to eat loses. So hats off to this crazy son of a bitch and check his show out on the travel channel.

GTA Teaches Kids How To Drive

Associated Press - WICOMICO CHURCH, Va. (Jan. 6) - A 6-year-old Virginia boy who missed his bus tried to drive to school in his family's sedan -- and crashed. His parents were charged with child endangerment. State police said the boy suffered only minor injuries and authorities drove him to school after he was evaluated at a local hospital for a bump on his head. He arrived shortly after lunch, Sgt. Tom Cunningham said.

It happened around 7:40 a.m. Monday on Route 360, about 61 miles east of Richmond.

The boy, whose name wasn't released, missed the bus, took the keys to his family's 2005 Ford Taurus and drove nearly six miles toward school while his mother was asleep, police said.

He made at least two 90-degree turns, passed several cars and ran off the rural two-lane road several times before hitting an embankment and utility pole about a mile and a half from school.

The boy told police he learned to drive playing Grand Theft Auto and Monster Truck Jam video games.

"He was very intent on getting to school," said Northumberland County Sheriff Chuck Wilkins. "When he got out of the car, he started walking to school. He did not want to miss breakfast and PE."

His parents, Jacqulyn Deana Waltman, 26, and David Eugene Dodson, 40, are each charged with child endangerment, Wilkins said. Waltman is being held without bond. Dodson was released on a $5,000 bond. It was not clear if they had attorneys. The boy and his 4-year-old brother were placed in protective custody. "This really is a story of miracles," Wilkins said. "The Lord was with him, along with everybody else on the highway."

So this kid is no Latarian Milton (see below) but the simply fact that he stated that Grand Theft Auto video game taught him how to drive is awesome, I wonder if it taught him how to shoot a gun too. I really feel bad for this kid though, the article made it seem that this kid wakes up and gets dress and all that shit and catches the bus so he can have breakfast at school all while his lazy ass mother sleeps. Fuck her. I hope this kid becomes the next Ricky Bobby and when he has millions tells his mother to fuck off for not making him some eggs and bacon. P.S. The clip below might be my favorite youtube clip ever.

Alphabetical American Anarchy

After a short holiday hiatus, the alphabetical countdown is back. This time it’s my favorite letter “C,” which stands for my not so favorite (though often necessary) beverage, “Coffee.”

Scientists at the University of Nevada extracted oil from used Starbucks coffee grounds to create bio-diesel fuel. The antioxidants in the commodity make it a more stable fuel-source than other bio-diesel alternatives. Engineers claim, “It won’t be a complete fix for reducing America’s dependence on oil, but it can be a help while at the same time providing a nice aroma for those in the vicinity...the exhaust actually smells like coffee.”

I can say that I have used bio-diesel fuel made from corn. The gas mileage was unfortunately very poor. It actually cost about as much as filling up with gas because I had to refill again so quickly – so that makes this whole concept seem kinda bunk. However, these scientists are at least thinking creatively. Using a waste product to create a new product is an underappreciated idea. I mean, we have a use for cow shit; why not used coffee grounds?

While I’m still not sure why people aren’t working fully on a hydrogen fuel-cell car or, even better, a magnetized car moving with semiconductors, at least cool and smart tech initiatives like this are being funded. And hey, it’s futile to be a sane person in a crazy world. So I’ll just go fuck myself on this one.

On the positive side effect of smell - this could improve the smell pollution of many downtown metro areas. Not sure what it is about the big city, but sometimes you get these whiffs of air and you check around to see if there is a boxer standing next to you that happens to sweat cheese. Coffee is surely a strong enough odor to febreze the urban underbellies.

The engineers behind the theory claim that a minimal amount of processing is required to convert coffee into biodiesel – resulting in coffee-fuel being about $1/gallon.

That sounds pretty fucking sweet to me. I know we’re living in a little gas-holiday still with the cost almost halving the peak it hit this summer, but there cannot be any confusion that this price will go back up. With the demand for petro compounded on our still economically fractured asses giving out IOU’s to creditors around the world, it’s gonna get worse before it gets better.

There must be thousands of tons of coffee used each day in New England alone. Dunkin Donuts franchises are like the Black Plague. You can’t walk down the street and not see neighborhood carriers of the business. Although I’m not sure how Dunkin’s coffee converts against its “classier” competitor. Maybe premium coffee beverages make premium coffee bio-diesel? If so, it will just be another reason for Starbucks lovers to turn their noses up at other people who don’t want to spend $6 for a CUP of BEAN WATER.

I know, I know. That’s a cheap shot... But seriously... Starbucks eats balls.

~S. Caustic